Trouble In Yokosuka
by Shu-Sheng
Summary: Yokosuka isn't as boring as Ryo Hazuki makes it seem! This little story is about EVERYONE's favorite duo in Shenmue. Action! Adventure! Things exploding! Maybe a laugh or two.
1. Trouble In Yokosuka!

**TROUBLE IN YOKOSUKA! part 1  
  
a fanfic about Shenmue!   
**  
By Chris Hecht

"Crunch" was the sound the beer bottle made as it was being smashed against an  
old crate. It's now sharp edges glimmered in the flickering neon signs of a nearby   
bar. The man brandishing this now deadly piece of glass was a filthy thug, common   
on the dark alleys of Dobuita. Him and his buddies were cornering Ryo Hazuki,   
each of them were gruff, drunken thugs."I'm warning you, stay back!" shouted Ryo, as he stepped back a few paces he bumped  
into a trash can. This didn't surprise Ryo Hazuki, he knew that that kinda stuff always   
happens in movies and cinematics."Heh heh heh....whatever you say, school boy!" said one of the punks. He was fat and  
had a really big mustache that was now connected to his hair. Ryo thought this looked   
pretty silly and believed the man would probably be more intimidating if he would only   
shave the damn thing. However, Ryo thought this was an inopportune moment to be   
thinking of such a thing, for one of the punks came swinging at him, slashing the air   
with his broken bottle. Ryo braced himself.But enough about Ryo, let's talk about what this story is really about! Three blocks over,   
on a slightly less dark and creepy street of Dobuita was a big truck. But this was no   
ordinary truck, this one was full of dirt and grime, and hadn't been washed in...well, no,   
it has never been washed, actually. But that's beside the point. This truck was Tom's   
truck. Tom of TOM'S HOTDOGS! And who else but Tom himself was dancing in front of   
his truck, like he does at all times!Suddenly, Tom stopped. He thought to himself, "what am I doing? I've been dancing here   
in front of my truck every day for at least 12 hours for the past three years!" But then Tom   
saw a potential customer coming down the dark street, so he started dancing again. Tom   
saw the figure disappear, so he figured he was either still under the effects from his drugs,   
or the person decided to go home. It turned out the figure was only a bunch of pigeons. Tom   
never found this out, for the rest of his life.FIVE HOURS LATER....The sun was rising in the Yokohama district of Japan. The old, buzzing streetlights that lined   
Dobuita were now silent, their lights flickering for the last time until the sun set once again.   
Further down the street, there stood Tom, still dancing in front of his truck. The small family-   
owned shops that lined the street were now opening, and as the owners opened their doors, they always looked over at the crazy Rastafarian man who's been dancing there for the past three or so years. They always wondered if Tom's hotdogs was a real business establishment or not, because they had never seen anyone even stop for more than moments to even approach Tom.Tom danced merrily, never pausing even for a minute. This seemed like any other day, as he   
watched all the busy Japanese people walk around pretending they have somewhere important   
to be. Tom saw Ryo Hazuki, the only person EVER to buy a hotdog from him, even though that was a year and a half ago. Ryo was running down the street, towards the bus stop. Tom knew where Ryo was heading. As of late, Ryo had been going down to the New Yokosuka Harbor. Tom didn't know what for, but Tom always drove his hotdog van there as fast as possible to beat Ryo there, so he could dance and wait for any possibility that Ryo may buy another hotdog. So far this hasn't happened, but hey, you never know.   
  
Tom hopped in the driver seat of his big, grungy truck. "VROOM" went the truck. Tom   
smiled and hit the accelerator. "putter putter putter" was the sound it made as it , well,   
puttered down the street. Tom got to the main roads, and floored it. He drove as fast   
as the beat up hot dog truck would go (roughly 45 mph), despite the fact he was on   
a 30 mph speed zone. Tom didn't really care. Any time a police officer pulled him over,   
he pretended like he didn't know how to speak any Japanese. This wasn't very hard for   
Tom to do, because he only knew a few key phrases in Japanese anyway. His usual   
line was "Hey Ryo, try one of my homemade hot dogs! They make you happy!" And so far,   
after three years of living in Japan, that was the only phrase he had ever really needed to   
use.   
  
Tom was fiddling with the radio, like he always does. That radio hadn't worked for a few  
weeks, but Tom didn't give up. It hadn't occurred to Tom, but who was driving the truck?  
Soon Tom remembered this, when he heard a little scream and then felt a big "THUD"   
under the front left wheel of the Tom's Hotdogs Truck. Tom slammed on the brakes   
and backed up, looking around for the person/animal that he hit. Tom then felt another  
large "THUD" but this time it was in the rear left wheel of the truck.

"Oh...crap...." sighed Tom. He decided it would be best to take the keys out of the   
ignition at this point. Tom hopped out of the car, and crouched down to look under  
his truck for a body of any sort. Right under the truck was a body. It was an elderly  
Japanese man, wearing khaki pants and a blue jacket.   
"Yamagachi-san!" exclaimed Tom. Yamagachi-san was a man Tom knew, for   
he walked by Tom's "business establishment" every day.   
There was no response from the body. He was no longer alive. In his cold, dead   
hand he grasped a glass labeled "My cup."

Tom looked around for anybody who may have seen this accident happen. There was only one person, a young man who was sweeping the sidewalk in front of the 'Tomato convenience store' that he worked at. He had dropped his push broom about twenty seconds ago, when he saw  
the speeding, rickety old hot dog van, spewing black smoke, come and plow over an old man,   
then back up and run over him again. He was now standing there, gawking.  
  
"Hey man, it was an accident! I didn't see him!" yelled Tom to the young man.   
The young man just stood there, staring at Tom, horrified. Tom started walking   
towards him, asking "Help me bring him inside! We need to call an ambulance,   
man!" But the young man screamed and ran inside his convenience store. He was  
the only one inside. He started running to the back room where there was a   
telephone he could use to call the police.

Tom rushed inside the store, shouting "It was an accident! Help me get him inside!" The young man screamed again, and leapt over the counter to try and get to the back room. But he didn't leap far enough. His leg caught the end of the counter, and the young man fell. His face smashed into the tile on the floor, blood splattered in all directions, over the counter and on the cash register. The young man rose, his mind scattered and unfocused. His face was covered in his blood, his nose broken and bleeding profusely.

His shaking hand reached over to the cash register and opened it up,   
and he shoved handfuls of cash to Tom, screaming "take it! spare me!!"   
"No man, it's not like that! I'm not going to hurt you!" declared Tom, but the young man  
didn't understand English. Tom then reached out to try and comfort the young man, but   
he took it as an attempt to grab him, so he turned around and continued heading for the   
phone in back.

As said earlier, the young man's mind was unfocused now, and he didn't   
seem to notice the large puddle of blood right on the floor in front of him. His own blood.  
at least he didn't seem to notice it, for he slipped on it and fell, knocking over a rack of  
magazines, which then fell towards the glass doors. The rack crashed through one of   
the doors, making an awful, incriminating mess. The young man was now unconscious,   
as if things weren't bad enough.   
  
"OH...crap...mon'." declared Tom to himself. He decided it best that he go and bring   
Yamagachi-san's body inside. Tom walked toward his truck, the beginning of this horrible   
scene, and dragged the old man's corpse hastily into the convenience store. Luckily for   
Tom, no one else seemed to be watching.   
  
As Tom laid the body of poor old Mister Yamagachi on the ground inside, his head was   
filled with dire thoughts. "They'll never believe me that this really was just a big accident!"   
was the first thought. The second was "What if they send me to jail?" And a third thought   
was "I bet Ryo's already at the harbor"   
  
"What am I going to do?!" questioned Tom, even though there was no one, conscious or   
living, able to respond. Tom thought hard of a solution, but alas, nothing came to mind.   
But just then, through the glass doors came running in Fuku-san!   
  
"RYO!!" shouted Fuku-san, still wearing his gi and no shoes.   
  
Tom just stared at Fuku-san curiously, but silent. Fuku-san blinked a few times, looking   
around the room.   
  
"Oh hi Tom! Whatcha doing?" asked Fuku-san, after a few moments of silence and   
much awkwardness. "HEY is that a dead body!? Oh my Gosh! That's Yamagachi-San!"   
exclaimed Fuku-san, in a voice loud enough that Tom was surprised this didn't attract a   
crowd.   
  
"He's dead, mon', but it was an accident! You know I wouldn't lie to you....uh....Jimmy."  
explained Tom.  
  
"It's Fuku. My name is Fukuhara. I'm Ryo's friend!" then explained Fuku-san.  
  
"I knew that! Listen, I think I'm going to need your help fuku-sa--" started Tom, but he was interrupted.  
  
"OH MY GOSH, IS THIS GUY DEAD, TOO!?" Said Fuku-san in an even louder voice than  
the last, as he saw the young man, lying in a pool of his own blood.  
  
"No! He tripped! Honestly! I know it sounds made up but--" attempted Tom to explain, but once again was interrupted.  
  
"HE'S GOT NO PULSE!" shouted Fuku-san, this time at about the same tone as his last   
exclamation. Fuku was crouched by the young man's body, feeling his wrist for any signs   
of life. There were none.   
  
"Oh...that's not good, mon'...." sighed Tom. Things seemed to be getting worse moment   
by moment. Tom stood up. "Listen, Fuku-san, this all was an accident, but I don't think  
anybody is going to believe me if I tell them that. I think we should burn this place down."  
  
"Whaaa? Uhm...Well, Okay!" Said Fuku-san in his usual, chipper way. Tom wondered   
if Fuku-san was even coherent, but that was the least of his concerns at this moment.   
  
So Tom and Fuku poured gasoline all over the interior of the building. Just then a woman  
walked into the store quickly. She looked at the batteries then looked around at the store itself.  
She saw the young man laying in the puddle of his own blood. She saw the body of Yamagachi  
-san, laying there, his jacket covered in tire tracks. She saw the money, some of it stained with   
the blood of the young man, scattered about the counter, and the open cash register. She   
opened her mouth to try and scream, but nothing came out. She was too horrified for that, even.  
  
"Oh crap....listen lady, it's not what it looks like!" Started Tom.

She stood there, now shaking with fear, trying to muster the strength to scream.  
  
Tom was going to try and explain but Fuku-san stopped him. "No, no, don't bother, here let me  
take care of this one!" said Fuku-san. He went up to the lady and karate chopped her right in the  
face. She fell to the floor and started making her own puddle of blood. "See! Wasn't that easy!?"  
asked Fuku-san, giving Tom a thumbs-up.   
  
"You killed her, mon'!! This is horrible!!" Shouted Tom, making sure not to shout too loud as to  
alert anybody nearby.   
  
"Ahhh c'mon, just keep dousing." said Fuku-san. And so they did. Then they lit a match and ran  
to Tom's truck.   
  
The building was gleaming. Flames burst out of every opening, smoke desperately trying to find  
a way outside. Tom started up his truck once again and they drove.   
  
"Let's hope no one ever finds out about this, mon'!" said Tom to Fuku-san. He now realized   
that Fuku-san was his accomplice. Tom shuttered.   
  
"Ahh, it'll be all right! Hey where are we going, by the way?" asked Fuku-san.  
  
"To the harbor! Got to be there in case Ryo ever needs a hot dog!" shouted Tom, almost   
  
appalled that Fuku didn't know this already.

**TO BE CONTINUED**..._because I'm too lazy to type this all at once_. 


	2. More things explode

**TROUBLE IN YOKOSUKA!** part two  
A fanfic about Shenmue!   
  
If you didn't know that already, turn off the computer.

By Chris Hecht(You should probably turn the computer off anyways. Or at least go read something better!)Naoyuki Ito, a resident of Sakuragaoka and a friend of Ryo Hazuki's, rode his motorcycle   
as fast as he could. He blazed down the bustling streets of the city, weaving in and out of  
traffic. Naoyuki was used to riding his motorcycle, and was quite proficient with doing such   
maneuvering. A few cars honked as he passed them and cut in front of them, only to pass   
the next car. A grin came across Naoyuki's face. He loved riding his motorcycle. It gave him   
such a great feeling. A real rush.   
  
"I feel so alive!" He shouted. He then accelerated to the bike's top speed. He was now coming  
up to an intersection. No worries entered Naoyuki's head, however, because he had a green light. There was no oncoming traffic to be seen. Following all laws of driving motorized bicycles,   
Naoyuki entered the intersection at a blinding speed.

But Naoyuki did not see the large, dirty hot dog truck come barreling through a red light heading  
straight for the poor young man on his motorcycle. At the wheel was Tom, who once again was   
fiddling around with radio, not paying much attention to the road, obviously. Seated right next to   
Tom was Fuku-san, who was also trying to fix the radio.  
  
"I'm telling you, this thing will work! It's just on da 'fritz,' mon'!" stated Tom, who was busily   
jamming a screwdriver into the cassette deck.

"How's that going to help?" asked Fuku-san, pointing at the screwdriver.  
  
"This, mon', is a tool. We use tools to fix things!" explained Tom, while forcefully shoving the   
screwdriver in further to the cassette deck.  
  
"It looks like you broke it..." sighed Fuku.  
  
"How can you tell!?" asked Tom, who was now looking under his seat for the penny he dropped, while still jabbing around with that screwdriver  
  
"The radio's on fire." noted Fuku-san.  
  
Tom looked up to the radio, only to see that it really was on fire. "HOLY CRAP MON'!" he shouted, looking for a cup of water or a rag or anything he thought would put out the fire. All while going 50 mph in a 35 zone.  
  
It was then Tom heard a familiar noise. "THUD!" under the right wheel of his truck.  
  
"What was that!?" asked Tom, all too disoriented.   
  
"I think it was Naoyuki, but it could've been Kurita-san, I can't tell" said Fuku-san.  
  
"You saw him!? Why didn't you say anything?!" yelled Tom.  
  
"You were busy looking for a cup or something."   
  
Tom looked at Fuku in awe.   
  
"Hey!! One thing at a time. The fire's spreading." pointed out Fuku-san.  
  
Now the entire dashboard was ablaze. Tom was still frantically driving, desperate to arrive   
at the Harbor before Ryo. He figured he could still get a few more minutes out of this truck   
before the fire spread to the steering wheel. Tom had already killed three people, what did   
hitting some kid on his bike matter?  
  
It was then Tom heard another "THUD." This time it was a young boy, who ran out into the   
street to get his soccer ball.   
  
"Hey, Tom, I'd hate to tell you this but..." started Fuku.  
  
"Nah, mon', I saw the little guy. This time I just didn't give a crap." replied Tom.   
  
Now, you'd think that with all this stuff happening in Yokosuka, there would be dozens of   
police officers already in hot pursuit of the large grimy hot dog truck that was somewhat   
on fire and had just hit two people. However, In the city of Yokosuka, they couldn't really   
afford to pay many police officers, so they mostly went by the honor system. Sadly, Tom   
was American so he knew not of this honor code. But little did he know that the entire   
police force was at the very harbor that Tom was driving maniacally to get to.   
  
Meanwhile, over at the harbor, the entire police force of Yokosuka was gathered at the   
harbor lounge. All two of them.  
  
"So uh....you see the new warehouse they built?" asked officer Tajikawa, stirring his coffee.   
  
"Yeah...yeah." said officer Bronson, taking a sip of his own coffee. "Warehouse number 17,   
is it?"  
  
"Yessir. 17." replied officer Tajikawa.   
  
Officer Bronson made some sort of 'hmph' noise of acknowledgement. Officer Bronson was   
no ordinary Japanese police officer, for he wasn't! He was WHITE! His full name was Charles   
Bronson, and he had been what some may have called a celebrity in America. However,   
if you asked any American, they'd probably tell you he wasn't. As for me, I'd tell you just the   
same. But, Mr. Bronson had been in several movies. Such erm...'classic' ....'hits'.....as   
'Death Wish,' 'Death Wish 2,' and many more (Death Wish 3, Death Wish 4, Death Wish 5)!

And so, you can see why Charles Bronson fled the U.S. to come to Japan, where he was   
offered a dream job that paid him easily 4 times that of which he made in the States! About  
seven bucks and twenty three cents per hour! Charles was much happier working here than he   
had been, well, any time in his life really. Which was sad. But he didn't care, because he was   
allowed to carry any weapon he wanted to while on duty, and his choice was a rocket launcher!   
Mr. Bronson had bought it with all the money he had made from all his movies back in the U.S.,   
which arrived to an amount of $200 dollars. Luckily, he knew an Arabic man who sold weapons.He owned a gun shop! And he knew some creepy old white guy who had a panzer Faust and was strapped for cash! (I bet you thought I was gonna say the Arabic man had the rocket launcher, didn't you!? DIDN'T YOU!? Those kinds of jokes suck!)  
  
Officer Tajikawa carried his own personal weapon while on duty, one of his Italian loafers. To   
this day he only had to use it once, and that was only because Goro attacked a group of tourists   
who refused to call him by his full name (Harbor Goro).   
  
The police force of Yokosuka consisted of these two proud men. Well, 1 proud man and a burnt out old veteran who got a kick out of shooting anything that had a possibility of hurting something. The streets were, for the most part, free of crime. The honor system actually worked quite well.It was either that or the fact that Bronson carried an anti-tank missile with him....constantly.   
  
Either way, Yokosuka was pretty much crime-free.   
  
However, The police force was unaware of the mayhem being caused by Tom and Fuku-san.   
There was supposed to be an H.Q. to deal with that, but officer Tajikawa's wife got tired of   
operating the old c.b. radio at their house, so the officers were to simply roam the streets until  
someone called them or they saw a crime being committed.   
  
But anyway, back to Tom!  
  
"There, I see the bus! There's Ryo in it! We can beat him there!" Exclaimed Tom, excited that   
he was not too late. Tom accelerated the truck as fast as it would go, and passed the bus.   
It was not because Tom's hot dog truck was faster than the old city bus. All the smoke coming  
out of Tom's truck distracted the driver of the bus, who slowed down, in fear that the truck   
was going to explode or something. Now, the truck was in front of the bus, spewing smoke behind it, effectively working as a smoke screen.   
  
"Allright mon', now we gotta slow that bus down!" Said Tom to Fuku. "Get in the back and hurl   
anything you find that might slow it down!"   
  
Fuku-san went into the back part of the truck, where the hot dog stand was. Inside it all he found were year-old hotdogs, some buns that were now solid as wood, and boxes and boxes of rat-poison.   
  
"Hey what's all this rat-poison for?" yelled Fuku to the front, where Tom was.  
  
"Rats!" answered Tom, obnoxiously. "Duh!"   
  
Fukuhara started hurling the boxes of rat poison out the back of the truck, at the oncoming bus.   
The bus didn't really swerve or anything dramatic. It came to a complete stop. Fuku-san could   
see the driver getting out to carry the boxes to the sidewalk, where they wouldn't be in the way.  
  
"Allright! We did it!" shouted Fuku-san, being maybe just a bit too dramatic about it. "Now hurry Tom, who knows when they might start driving again!!"

Tom had the gas pedal all the way to the floor. The truck was going at an amazing 25 mph now.   
The steering wheel was still not on fire, however, the engine was. But it didn't seem to matter now.  
  
They had finally arrived at the harbor. Tom stopped the truck right in the middle of the street and   
hopped into the back. He grabbed a single hotdog and gestured for Fuku to follow him. Tom was ready now, just incase Ryo would want a hot dog. There would be no truck, there would be no condiments, fresh bread or even cooked meat, but at least it was there! Tom and Fuku ran now, rushing towards the spot where Tom usually parked his truck. They left the burning Tom's hot dogs truck there, smoke and fumes spewing, right in the middle of the street.   
  
Then along came the bus. It stopped right in front of the truck and let it's passengers out. Ryo   
was the only one wanting to get out at this stop. So he got out and started heading towards   
the port. Ryo noticed the burning Tom's hot dogs truck and took note of it. "Hmm." said Ryo, if   
that counts as a word.  
  
Just then Tom's hot dogs truck EXPLODED into a huge fiery mushroom cloud. There was  
petroleum spewing everywhere, catching other things on fire, such as the bus that Ryo had   
just exited. The bus blew up. Pieces of glass and mangled flesh from the passengers were   
sent flying in a several hundred foot radius. Ryo didn't see any of this, for his back was turned   
the entire time, as he was walking towards the port. Ryo took note of the smoke and fire  
everywhere. He noticed the blood and burning flesh sent flying, some of it landing on his jacket,  
and said "Hmm. Raining blood." in his usual calm, uncaring, unattached voice, and kept on walking.

_**AGAIN, TO BE CONTINUED!** For the same reason as last time._


	3. Finally I can stop typing

**TROUBLE IN YOKOSUKA!** part 3!   
Perhaps the **FINAL** chapter!   
That means you should gasp. Do it!  
  
By Chris Hecht

As Tom and Fuku-san stood there, holding a hotdog, waiting for Ryo, something wonderful   
happened. No, nothing did. I only said that because I couldn't think of any other way to end   
that sentence. NOTHING happened to Tom and Fuku-san as they stood there. A few people  
stared at them and wondered what they are doing, and one guy mooned them but that was it.  
As a matter of fact, Tom wasn't even standing! Tom was DANCING! Dancing like he always   
is! Fuku-san was standing, though. He got stuck with the duty of holding the hot dog while  
Tom dances to attracts customers. Well, he thought the dancing would attract customers. In reality all it did was make people scared and confused. Perhaps that's why Tom never   
got any real customers. Or maybe it was the fact that the entire interior of his hot dog truck   
was completely covered in mold. Either way, he wasn't selling very many hotdogs.   
  
Officer Charles Bronson walked by, noticing the two lunatics, one boy holding a hotdog and  
some drugged-up looking Rastafarian dancing there. This wasn't the first time Bronson saw   
Tom there. But this was the first time he saw Tom without his truck. Officer Bronson was going   
to ask Tom why he didn't have his truck, but he didn't. The way Bronson saw it, asking questions  
was no part of his job! Nor was being suspicious, stopping crimes, or helping anybody come to   
think of it. But he stopped right there! Thinking wasn't part of his job, either. Officer Bronson   
clutched the rocket launcher in his hand, placing his hand on the trigger while he walked around,  
eyeballing people. That was the essence of his job, as he saw it. But hey, it keeps people from  
rioting and such, so he stuck with it.   
  
Tom kept dancing, while Fuku-san kept standing. Fuku-san was bored. He hated being bored.   
Even though living with Ryo should have built up his immunity to boredom, it didn't, probably   
because Fuku-san is an idiot. Anyway, Fuku was starting to get really jittery. He needed   
amusement, otherwise he might end up having another "incident" like last year. We won't speak  
about that because this fic is rated PG-13. All the death and violence in the last two chapters is   
nothing compared to what Fuku-san did. Just use your imagination! Heh, that's the best thing  
to say to get out of typing up more crap. Use your imagination, kids.   
  
Anyway, Fuku-san looked around for something to do. He couldn't stand all this...standing.   
That's when he noticed a fisherman, standing near the water, fishing. Then Fuku saw that  
old dirty hobo who always hangs around this port, sitting over by a warehouse. Fuku-san   
kept looking back and forth at the two people, and that's when he got his most brilliant   
idea he ever had. Fuku's eyes widened with excitement. He decided to initiate this genius   
plan of his for amusement...  
  
"HIYA!" yelled Fuku-san, as he punched the fisherman in the head, sending him falling into   
the ocean. The fisherman just floated there, face down in the water. The water around him  
started turning red. Fuku then grabbed the fishing pole from the corpse's cold, dead hands.   
Fuku then grasped the hotdog, and rigged it up on the hook. Now Fuku-san looked around   
for something he could hide behind. He found a crate. He stood behind it and casted out his   
bait, the hotdog, towards that dirty old hobo guy. The hotdog knocked the hobo in the side of  
his head. He just looked at it as it fell to the ground right beside him. He looked at the fishing  
line attached to it, the obvious hook, in it's bun, and looked over to see some jackass standing  
behind a crate with a fishing pole, snorting and chuckling as if it were the most clever thing he   
had ever conceived. The hobo man just stared at Fuku-san, bitterly, as he always does to anybody or anypigeon.   
  
Ten minutes later...  
  
Fuku-san still stood behind the crate, holding the fishing pole. The old hobo man had not   
taken the bait...yet...but he was bound to eventually. Fuku-san was acting like a gruff,   
crusty old experienced fisherman now, because he had acquired a fishing hat with a bunch  
of hooks in it, a fishing vest, a cooler with some booze and a sandwich in it, and he even   
managed to get a small rowboat that he was now sitting in, on the asphalt. You might wonder  
how he came about getting all these things in a mere twenty minutes. Well, if you looked in the  
water right behind him, where the body of that first fisherman was floating, you'd see not one   
dead fisherman's body, but FIVE dead fishermen bodies! Fuku-san had a way with dealing  
with fishermen, as you can see.   
  
The grungy old hobo guy was still sitting there. Pigeons had flocked around him, and they covered his shoulders. They were his pets, or rather, his friends. They lived with him, followed him everywhere,always by his side, trustworthy, vigilant, and always crapping on him. Many times, when people would pass by the old hobo, they would see he wasn't moving, wasn't even blinking, and he was covered with pigeons, and so many people thought he was dead. But he wasn't! He usually played dead to try and get some rambunctious idiot who's wasting everybody's time to go the hell away. It didn't seem to work with Fuku-san. He must've been to clever to fool, thought the hobo.  
  
"I wonder if that dead hobo will come back as a zombie and take the hotdog bait?!" thought the idiot, er I mean Fuku-san. He decided it's time to get a fishing net. That would get the job done, he thought!   
  
He looked around for any fisherman with a fishing net by chance. There were none. But then he noticed, docked at the harbor, there was a huge fishing barge. He chopped another person in the face, this time it was an elderly woman with binoculars. She fell unconscious, right into the ocean, face first, and Fuku-san took the binoculars from her cold, clammy hands. He looked at the deck of the barge and noticed there were many fishing nets on board! "How will I get on that ship, though?" thought Fuku-san. He sat there, in his boat for long and hard. Then he got an idea (you know that isn't good) and a big grin came across his face. Fuku-san looked down at his rowboat and grabbed the oars. "That's it! I'll use this boat and sneak on board!"   
  
There were many ladders lining the side of the fishing barge Fuku-san wished to enter. The water level was high enough so that, using a small sea craft, you could easily dock right next to the boat, undetected, and climb the ladder to get to the deck. However, this thought never occurred to Fuku-san (big surprise), but Fuku-san was at least using the boat. He was rowing, across the asphalt, somehow managing to move, even if it was only about three inches each time he rowed. Everybody at the port stared at Fuku. They wondered if he was drunk, high, or just plain retarded. Fuku-san started laughing maniacally, at how great his plan was. After only half an hour he got to the deck that connected the fishing barge to dry land. There were people standing guard there to keep any unwanted individuals off the ship, but they just stared at Fuku-san, speechless, as he rowed up the port, up the deck, tearing up asphalt and the wood of the rowboat he was in. They didn't know what to say. They just stared. Fuku-san eventually made it to the deck of the ship, where he saw many fishing nets. He grabbed one and tossed it into his boat. Then he started rowing back to his fishing post, in other words behind that crate. This took another half hour.   
  
half an hour later....  
  
Fuku-san was back behind his crate, his fishing post. This place smelled of dead bodies, probably because there were five, no, six dead bodies floating right there. Fuku-san readied the net. He was going to catch a hobo. He forgot why he wanted to in the first place but Fuku forgets a lot of things so he was used to it. It didn't bother him anymore. Idiot. Anyway, so Fuku-san rowed up to where the old man and his pigeons sit. The man still had not moved in the past two hours.

Fuku-san shouted "YOU'RE MINE!" as he threw the net at the hobo, but his swarm of pigeons flew toward the net and saved him. There were feathers everywhere, all Fuku-san could hear were hoots and caws.   
  
"Aww crap! Damn pigeons!!" exclaimed Fuku-san. He tried to release the pigeons from his net so he could capture the hobo but when he did the pigeons all flocked toward Fuku, trying to peck his eyes out. So Fuku-san threw the net over the pigeons again, and this time managed to capture every one of them. Fuku-san tied up the ends of the net so now there was just a big   
load of pigeons in a net. The hobo man then moved! He grabbed the tied up ends of the net  
and suddenly all the pigeons started flapping their wings. The hobo was lifted into the air by   
the power of the pigeons. He started flying towards the ocean.   
  
"Hey!! Come back!!" shouted Fuku-san, but the man did not listen.   
  
"I'm free! Seeya, suckers!" yelled the hobo man, as his pigeons carried him out to the ocean,  
towards where the sun would be setting soon. The man laughed hard.  
  
Fuku-san shrugged his shoulders and went back to where Tom had been dancing for the  
whole entire time.   
  
No one was watching as the man flew off further into the distance. The pigeons suddenly scattered and he plummeted into the ocean, making a big "SPLASH!" sound. Then all you could see was a bunch of sharks converging on his position.   
  
On with the story!   
  
I'm just kidding. there is no story. Just a bunch of random crap. But on with that!  
  
Fuku looked at Tom. Tom never stopped dancing. It was actually pretty creepy. Fuku said "Hey Tom" but there was no response from him. Fuku poked Tom in the chest. Nothing happened. He just kept on dancing. Fuku then lifted up Tom's big sunglasses. Tom was asleep! He somehow, after years of dancing pointlessly, had managed to train himself to dance in his sleep. So that's how he does it, thought Fuku-san.   
  
Just then, Lan Di, in his evil black luxury car, drove up! Fuku-san gasped! Lan Di stepped out of the car, and looked at Fuku-san. Fuku-san was speechless. This time it wasn't because he was an idiot with nothing to say. This time it was out of shock. Or because he was a knave. Can't tell. Who needs details, anyway!?  
  
Lan Di had that cold stare on and he walked over to Fuku, still not saying a word. He stared down Fuku,and reached into his coat, grabbing for something. Fuku was shocked even further, thinking he was going to pull out a gun or something. He pulled it out....it was....  
  
A map. "Excuse me young man, er, but do you know to get to docking bay number seventeen? I'm really going to be late for my ship and I can't find it anywhere!" said Lan Di.   
  
Fuku-san was again speechless. But then he decided to speak up. "You head that way until you reach the big blue ware house, then take a left and keep going, all the docking bays are numbered so just keep going until you reach--" just then Fuku was interrupted by Ryo Hazuki!  
  
"Fuku! Watch out! That's Lan Di! The man who killed Hazuki-sensei!" exclaimed Ryo, getting into a fighting stance, ready to take on Lan Di!  
  
"Uh....crap...." said Lan Di under his breath. But then he got an amazing idea. He spoke up. "Uhm....No I'm not!" he said.  
  
"Oh. Ok." Said Ryo, in his normal dull voice. He then started walking to the harbor lounge. "I'm going to play neo-darts." He thought to himself. "Cripes, even his thoughts are dull!" thought I, the writer of this.  
  
Fuku-san continued to give Lan Di directions to where he needed to get. Lan Di was amazed that him and Ryo were so stupid that he could fool them that easily! He grinned evilly, as bad guys often do.   
  
But just then, Officer Charles Bronson was walking by, with his anti-tank rocket launcher. He looked over at where Fuku-san was standing, talking to Lan Di. Bronson then looked at Lan Di's big evil luxury car. Officer Bronson's eyes widened and his heart started beating very fast. He was parked in a NO-PARKING ZONE!!! This would not stand! Bronson decided it's time to take action, and do his duty as a police officer! His partner Officer Tajikawa, standing at his side, watched Bronson aim his rocket launcher at Lan Di and his luxury car. Tajikawa covered his ears.   
  
Lan Di had just about gotten all the directions he needed, and was heading back towards his car, when he looked over to see Bronson standing about 50 feet away, aiming his rocket launcher right at him!   
  
"Smile, you son of a bitch!!!!" said Officer Bronson, not realizing that was a quote from the movie "Jaws." It didn't really matter to him. At a time like this, any quote like that would do! He pulled the trigger and sent a rocket flying towards Lan Di and his big evil luxury car!   
  
"Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Lan Di. That was his last word. The rocket hit his car, and the car exploded into a huge, fiery mushroom cloud, taking Lan Di with it! He caught on fire and some of the blast blew away most of his body. Lan Di was dead, needless to say.  
  
"Holy crap!" shouted Fuku-san. It was the only word that came to mind, really. But then, Officer Tajikawa, assuming that Fuku had something to do with the crime Lan Di committed, tackled Fuku san. He then pulled from his holster, his weapon of choice, The Italian loafer, and started beating Fuku-san in the face with it until he was unconscious. The day was saved! Bronson and Tajikawa laughed and walked to the harbor lounge, to go get a Jet soda in celebration.  
  
Walking through the door of the harbor lounge, they passed Ryo, who was headed out. He looked over and saw the smoldering remains of what looked to be a car. "Hmm." mumbled Ryo, like he always does.   
  
But just then, plummeting from the sky, came a piece of Lan Di's charred body that had been sent flying by the blast! It was his arm! It hit Ryo right in the head.   
  
"Oh. That hurt. Hmm." said Ryo, as dull as ever. He then looked at the arm. "Hey look at that. It's almost dinner time." The watch on Lan Di's arm was still working, it seemed. Ryo looked further down the arm and saw that the hand was grasping the Dragon Mirror which Lan Di had killed Ryo's father for!   
  
"Hey. Wow. The Dragon Mirror. What do you know." said Ryo, still dull, but this is as emotional as he gets. He was happy he had found it! His quest was over!  
  
"This is great. This calls for a hotdog!" said Ryo, to himself. He then noticed Tom, a few feet away, dancing. "Tom's hot dogs. Good." he said. He walked up to Tom, who was dancing, even though he was asleep.   
  
"Tom." said Ryo. It was his usual way of greeting Tom.   
  
Tom was asleep, but Ryo didn't notice. Those glasses were huge.   
  
"Tom." repeated Ryo, no different than the last time he asked.   
  
"Tom. Tom. Tom." Ryo kept going on. He was determined to get a hot dog. Too bad he couldn't think of a better way to get one.   
  
Tom just kept dancing, in his sleep. In this particular sleep, he was dreaming that someday Ryo would buy a hotdog from him. He kept hearing Ryo say his name. But it was only a dream, he thought. Tom wouldn't wake for another eight hours. But when he would, Ryo would still be standing there, saying " Tom."   
  
And so, I guess you can call that an end!  
  
**_That's it, man!_**


End file.
